ATTENTION ALL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS: I am hereby copyrighting each and every one of the Big 4 reasons that defendants can't possibly go to jail for the crime they've committed. Should your client use or attempt to use Job, Family, Illness, or I Found God - or any variation or combination thereof - there shall be a $5.00 fee payable to Ken Lammers Jr. Payment shall be for each individual usage of a particular Big 4 reason, even if they are used in combination. As well, the fact that the Big 4 neither caused the judge to dismiss all charges and apologize nor led to any better result than the defendant could have received otherwise does not waive or abrogate the duty to pay for use my copyrighted material.
Payment is acceptable by cash, cashier's check, or money order. Checks on a defendant's account shall not be acceptable. However, payment from an attorney's trust account on behalf of the defendant shall be accepted.
BE ADVISED: There is no explicit warranty and no implicit warranty in the usage of my copyrighted Big 4 reasons. Use of the Big 4 is at your own risk and results shall vary depending on numerous conditions outside the control of the holder of the copyright.