Windypundit said on February 08, 2005  

Great story. I love the way you can keep the story interesting even though some of the juiciest bits are privileged.

I spent a lot of years doing computer support. Although your customers are a whole different level of trouble than mine, it's funny how often you can tell there's going to be trouble within the first minute of meeting its cause.

 Indiana Public Defender said on February 09, 2005  

What do you mean when you say your try your case?

 Ken Lammers said on February 09, 2005  

I defended my client in his charges for not having come to court previously.

 Gideon said on February 09, 2005  

That's absolutely brilliant. Reminds me of a client a colleague had who decided to show prison officials he was boss by inserting 8 (yes eight) D batteries into a place where things shouldn't go.

 Ken Lammers said on February 09, 2005  

Well, I cannot claim the most outlandish client. A buddy of mine tells the story of a client who chewed a chunk out of his arm the first time he came to court.
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The next time he was brought to court he was in shackles. This time after he walked out into the courtroom for his hearing he turned to my buddy and opened his coveralls, showing where he had plunged his toothbrush into his stomache so deep that only about half the bristles were still visible.
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The next time he came to court the deputies put him in a straight jacket and a helmet. They moved the trial to a courtroom with an observation room where they could keep the defendant segregated behind a 2 way mirror but he could still observe the jury trial he was demanding. As well, the courtroom had at least 6 deputies standing by (with the medkit). Of course, once everything was ready for the trial the defendant decided to take the prosecutor's offered deal.

 Gideon said on February 09, 2005  

Wow. I'm assuming there was a competency eval?
Talking of troublesome clients and exhibitionist clients, the worst are those who just blurt things out, even if you're just asking for a continuance.

I had a client who plead to 5 years. The judge continued the sentencing and warned the client that if he picked up any more arrests between plea and sentencing, he would increase the sentence. Ofcourse, the client gets arrested. In his infinite wisdom, he thinks he is helping himself when he blurts out on the record:
"Well, your Honor if smoking marijuana is wrong, then I am wrong. But it was just marijuana. The crack wasn't mine, I was just hiding it for my friend because I knew if I was arrested with it, I'd get in trouble with you".

He got five more years.

 Ken Lammers said on February 09, 2005  

My buddy swears to me that the guy was found competent.

I know what you mean about people hurting themselves by blurting out. There is a judge here who likes to lecture people. Usually the lecture means that the sentence isn't going to be as stiff as it would have been otherwise unless the defendant argues with him - then things can get bad. The problem is that his lectures are delivered in a conversational tone and often ask retorical half-questions ("why anybody would steal a Snickers bar is beyond me") with pauses that clients like to fill with answers.

I regularly tell clients "Judge Smith isn't talking with you, he's talking at you and you don't say anything to him unless he asks you a direct question. Even then keep it short as possible." It works for most. However, about 10% of the time the client just cannot resist the urge to tell the judge why he's wrong. And that client always leaves through the door leading to lockup.
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 Gideon said on February 09, 2005  

I do believe judges nationwide undergo some sort of psychological rhetoric speech training. I've seen judges here do the same thing you just described.

It becomes a real problem when you're dealing with juveniles. I've heard of judges launching into prolonged rants about "kids today" being irreponsible, which provokes the kids into defending themselves, which in turn the judge views as insubordination and round and round we go.

Sometimes I wish clients came with mute buttons.