CrimLaw

31 August 2007

Naked Hula Beer Theft

I kid you not.
Author: Ken Lammers on 8/31/2007
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Virginia CrimLaw

  • LAWS
  • Va.'s Versions of Mayhem (malicious wounding et al): 4 In One Statute ~ Graphic
  • Aggravated Malicious Wounding
  • THEFT CRIME
  • Defining Larceny
  • Types of Larceny (Grand is now $1,000)
  • Attempts and Conspiracies
  • Theft from a Spouse
  • Theft of Lost Items
  • Abandoned, Lost or Mislaid
  • Theft From Dead People
  • Theft of Papers (Checks)
  • Theft of Social Services
  • Theft of Animals
  • Theft of Coal or Trees
  • Multiple Larcenies - One Item Taken
  • Felony Petit Larceny - 3d Offense
  • Stealing Electronic Items
  • Stolen Value: Electronic Items
  • Stolen Value: Price Tags
  • Stolen Value: No Price Tags
  • ...
  • Sexting
  • Farm Use Abuse
  • Emotional Support Animals
  • Service Dog Fraud
  • The Moped Exception
  • Rape by Lie: 1 ~ 2 ~ 3
  • No Intent Needed
  • Arresting in a House
  • Common Law Trespass
  • Certificate of Analysis Introduction
  • Probable Cause: Car Passengers
  • Detaining Car Passengers
  • No Weekend Jail on Felonies
  • Obstruction of Justice Limited
  • No Trifurcation
  • No More Beer at the Barbeque
  • Respondeat Superior
  • DUI & Reckless Driving
  • Outlawry Outlawed
  • Felony 2d Degree Murder
  • Banishment
  • Computer Fraud
  • Insta-Deputy
  • Principals, Accessories, and Conspirators
  • PROCEDURE
  • Appeals by a Prosecutor
  • OUTSIDE PROSECUTORS
  • Attorney General - Limited Authority
  • Attorney General v. Commonwealth Attorney
  • Private Prosecutors - Limitations
  • Private Prosecutor - Case Law
  • BOND / BAIL
  • Bond Hearing
  • Extent of Bond
  • Appealing a Bond
  • Bond Reform - Still Need Bondsmen
  • . . .
  • Using Statements Made During Plea Negotiations: 1 ~ 2a ~ 2b ~ 2c
  • 1st Hearing is Not an Arraignment
  • Detainers
  • Subpoena
  • Bill of Particulars
  • Telling Jurors the Punishment Range
  • Juries and Election Day
  • Invoking Right to Attorney in Virginia
  • Who Prosecutes Misdemeanors?
  • Expungement
  • Surrebuttal
  • Virginia's Reasonable Doubt
  • Reasonable Doubt II
  • Instruction: Right to Arm
  • Virginia Castle Doctrine1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~
  • Dismissed with Prejudice
  • SENTENCING
  • I. Limitations on Right of Judge to Alter a Sentence
  • II. Limitations on Right of Judge to Alter a Sentence
  • III. Limitations on Right of Judge to Alter a Sentence
  • Probation & Suspended Time
  • ADVISEMENT
  • Advisement Confirmed by Supreme Court
  • Advisement per Supreme Court
  • Advisement in Virginia
  • . . .
  • Restitution in Traffic Cases
  • Withdrawal of Guilty Plea
  • Probation Sentencing Guidelines
  • Using Jurors to Challenge a Sentence
  • Jury v. Judge (sentencing roles)
  • Limits on Evidence Presentable to a Jury
  • Jury Sentencing Possibilities
  • &CETERA
  • Witnesses & Writ of Actual Innocence
  • Domestic Battery & Firearm Possession
  • Domestic Battery & Testimony I
  • Domestic Battery & Testimony II
  • Domestic Battery & Testimony III
  • Domestic Battery & Testimony IV
  • Shall Doesn't Mean Shall
  • Just Following Orders
  • Lycurgus Not Welcome in Virginia

Legal Theory

  • DOUBLE JEOPARDY
  • Double Jeopardy - Blockburger / Garrett
  • Double Jeopardy - Virginia Statute
  • Double Jeopardy - Legislative Intent
  • PROACTIVE POLICING
  • Proactive Policing - Rise and Decline
  • Proactive Policing - Broken Windows
  • Proactive Policing - Other Explanations
  • COMMON LAW
  • Common Law - USA Problems
  • Common Law - Federal Withdrawal
  • Common Law - The Model Penal Code Failure
  • The Only USA Common Law - Supreme Court Constitutional Precedent
  • . . .
  • Best Way to Choose a Judge
  • What's a Prosecutor?
  • Checking Prosecutorial Power
  • Defense Attorney Purpose
  • Plea Agreement Actualities
  • The Big 4: Why I can't Go To Jail: 1 ~ 2
  • How I Judge Statutes
  • Gateway Drugs
  • Virginia Right to Bear Arms
  • Succubistic Bigworditis
  • Doctrine of Chances
  • Alternative Sentencing Flaws
  • Restorative Justice in Domestic Courts
  • Liquor Use Laws
  • How to Fix Va.'s Court of Appeals
  • Punishment Scale
  • Punishment Scale Explained
  • Punishment: There but for the Grace of God
  • Heavy Sentences (1)
  • Heavy Sentences (2)
  • Probation
  • Parole is a Never Ending Sentencing Hearing
  • Beyond a Reasonable Doubt - The abandonment of Moral Certainty
  • Change Felonies to Misdemeanors
  • Do Justice?
  • Kentucky v. Virginia
  • Must Prosecutors Disprove Affirmative Defenses?
  • Drug Schedules & Punishment
  • Defendants & Situational Sincerity
  • 1) Immorality in Pleading Not Guilty
  • 2) Immorality of Pleading Not Guilty
  • Posner v. Hart & Strict Liability
  • More Posner & Strict Liability
  • Pre-Stare Decisis
  • Let Juries Find People Innocent
  • Tell Jury Elements Pretrial
  • Falsity of Malum Prohibitum (1)
  • Falsity of Malum Prohibitum (2)
  • Falsity of Malum Prohibitum (3)
  • Brady
  • Writ of Spite & Hatred
  • Various Riot Acts
  • Tazers
  • Finding of Innocent
  • No Appellate Oral Arguments
  • CrimJustice Purpose
  • Pro Se Defendants
  • Misdirecting the Police
  • Stress Seekers?
  • Plea Agreement
  • Faking Probable Cause I
  • Faking Probable Cause II
  • Faking Probable Cause III
  • Faking Probable Cause IV
  • Legalese: Name Changes
  • How Could We Best Select a Judge
  • RICO & Bin Laden
  • Requirement of Defense Attorneys
  • Should Lawyers Make Clients Confess?
  • Crummy Hired Defense Attorneys
  • Noble Defense?

Specific Cases

  • Jones:Trespass = Search
  • Shatzer:4th Amendment Expiration Date
  • Gant: Limiting Car Searches
  • Montejo: No more 6th Amendment Protections
  • Padilla & the Prosecutor
  • Ventris: Allowing Unconstitutional Questioning
  • Carroll Doctrine

Practice Tips

  • Opening Statements
  • Advice for New Prosecutor1 ~ 2a ~ 2b ~ 2c ~ 2d
  • Prosecutors Can't Talk to Defendants

Life as a CrimLaw Lawyer


Time as a Prosecutor

2007
The New Office
Different Court Diferent Behavior
Competency
Cats
Ma'am I'm the Prosecutor
I know nothing
23 Felonies
Cross
Cross II
2d Simplest Explanation
Jury
2008
CrimLaw Prosecutorial Corollary #1
Paranoia
Why Not Drop?
2009
Buy Me Dinner First
Jury Sentencing Argument
Is Litter Patrol Jail?
Paperwork Closing Argument
2010
Bubonic Bob & the Creative Judge
Finding the Perfect Witness
2012
Small Town Cop : Big City Lawyer
Maturity Ain't Orange
2015
Not Going to Win
Hallway Confrontation
My Testosterone is Dead
2017
Supre Secret Conference
Foot-Shooting 101
2019
Sic'ed by the Court of Appeals
8th Continuance Request
Never Ending Guilty Plea
2020
The Law of Mountain Mumble
I Decline

Back When I was a Defense Attorney

FEB03
Jury
Jury
JUN03
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
JUL03
A Week in the Life
OCT03
A Week in the Life
DEC03
A Week in the Life
JAN04
5 Events
A Needed Sign
A Week in the Life
Trial Desperation
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
Quick Panic
FEB04
Supress Motion
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
MAR04
A Week in the Life
Closing Argument
APR04
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
MAY04
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
A Week in the Life
JUN04
Chocolate Chip Marijuana
A Week in the Life
High School Critique
JUL04
A Week in the Life
Cripple v. Cop
01 Long Week
02 Long Week
03 Long Week
04 Long Week
05 Long Week
I'm a Narc
AUG04
Frustrating Day
Damn Yankee Defense
A Week in the Life
SEP04
Angry Relative
01 Long Week
OCT04
01 Long Week
02 Long Week
03 Long Week
04 Long Week
-----
01 Long Week
02 Long Week
03 Long Week
NOV04
Client Families
DEC04
01 Long Week
02 Long Week
03 Long Week
04 Long Week
05 Long Week
06 Long Week
Surprise at Prelim
Confronted
JAN05
A Sentencing Hearing
Sales Lady Visits
FEB05
Purse Search Brief
Violent Insane Client
MAR05
Affidavit of Truthfulness
Juvenile Detention Visit
Moments in the Life
Fail to Visit
APR05
Trial of the Century
MAY05
Transcript: Court Argument I Won
A Day in Court
Moments in the Life
Angry Jury Day
Angry Jury 02
JUN05
Eureka Sentencing Moment
My Own PI
Innovative Jail Phone Call
A Moment in Court
A Moment in Court
JUL05
Huh?
Raccoon Attack
AUG05
Picking on a Prosecutor Intern
Moments in the Life
SEP05
Victory by Speedy Trial
OCT05
Kicking Myself
A Day in the Life
Insane Client & 15 Deputies
Torture by Judge
A Federal Habeas
NOV05
Invisolawyer
Petition Freak Out
Moments in the Life
Moments in the Life
State Habeas
DEC05
Moments in the Life
JAN06
Jury Trial Fizzle
FEB06
A Bench Trial
Bittersweet "Victories"
A Prosecutor Tries to do Right
MAR06
What Just Happened?
Va. Worse than Conn.
Illness as a Defense Attorney
Failed Prison Visit
APR06
Heard in a Courthouse
Appellate Court Argument 01
Va. Court of Appeals
MAY06
Heard in Court
JUN06
Bad Press
Entire History of a Trial
Bad Press 02
JUL06
I Must be too Good
AUG06
Announce Becoming Prosecutor
The Last Life in a Week
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday

Client Communication
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CYA Letter: Felony Client
CYA Letter: Appeal
-----
Dear Mr. Jailhouse Lawyer
Conversation between Inmates about Lawyers
Innocent Client Pleads Guilty
Client Parents

Blogs

Sentencing Law and Policy
FourthAmendment
CrimProf
White Collar Crime Prof
4th Circuit
...
Simple Justice
Grits for Breakfast
DUIblog
Southern District of Fla.
Harris Co. Crim Justice
...
Seeking Justice
Crime and Consequences
Patterico's Pontifications
Trials & Tribulations
Changing the Court


Virginia Blogs

SW Virginia Law
Bearing Drift


Worthwhile

The Volokh Conspiracy
Gruntled Center
WindyPundit
The Faculty Lounge
Legal Scholarship Blog
PrawfsBlog

Ambush in Bartlette

Part One: Upheaval
Chapters 1 - 18
Part Two: Race
Chapters 19 - 28
Part Three: Trial
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
FINISHED

Disclaimer

In case anyone out there needs this warning: This ain't legal advice. Everything in the blog is off the cuff and no one goes back and reads all the cases and statutes before blogging. The law may have changed; cases misread and misunderstood two years ago can still lead to a clinging misperception. Courts in your county, city, or State probably don't operate as described herein. Feel free to be inspired, but YOU MUST ALWAYS DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH OR HIRE A COMPETENT ATTORNEY TO DO SO because I haven't.

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      • Naked Hula Beer Theft
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      • Copper Theft
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