1) Beer's just not worth that much trouble.
2) Bus theft and slow speed pcp induced chase.
3) Not worth the time: stealing hot sauce and electrical tape.
4) The pink beanie thief.
5) "Did you hear about the identity thief in Seattle who tried to open a JC Penney credit card account with one of the very women whose identity she had stolen?"
6) Wow. Don't shoot at the tires of a fleeing thief in Missouri or you'll catch a felony charge and have your concealed weapon permit revoked.
7) Stole 6,000 gallons of gasoline in under 23 minutes. That's a talent better spent on NASCAR rather than thievery.
8) Credit card receipts.
9) ATM Machine stolen from inside the bank.
10) If you steal from the police, you will probably go to prison.
11) Don't bring your kid to work with you if you are a thief.
12) Is there a black market in stolen canaries?