Indicting Mother Nature

I've had all I canst stands. I canst stand no more. Time to exercise some of that prosecutorial power I'm supposed to possess.

INDICTMENT

VIRGINIA:

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE COUNTY OF PITCAIRN

THIRTY-FIFTH JUDICIAL CIRCUIT

11 FEBRUARY 2010

MOTHER NATURE

aka ASIAQ aka TAMAR aka MARI
aka FREYR aka LUONNOTAR aka JULUNGGUL

Address: The Weather Channel

SSN: 000-00-0004
DOB: Creation

THE GRAND JURY CHARGES THAT:

COUNT 1:

On or about December 2009, in the County of Pitcairn, MOTHER NATURE did unlawfully and feloniously commit Damage Public Utilities. To wit, Mother Nature purposefully damaged power cables, tranformers and poles in an amount valued at more than $200. Damaging Public Utilities is a Class 4 felony punished under Virginia Code section 18.2-162 and it is punishable by imprisonment in a state correctional facility for not less than two nor more than ten years. This act was done against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth of Virginia.

COUNT 2:

On or about 10 February 2010, in the County of Pitcairn, MOTHER NATURE did commit Obstruction of Justice. To wit, Mother Nature did intentionally, willfully, and unlawfully dump tons of snow on the roads of Pitcairn County. The snow did obstruct the judge and several prosecutors from making it to the courthouse, therefore keeping them from the performance of their duties. This is a violation of Virginia Code section 18.2-460 and it is punishable by confinement in jail for a period not exceeding twelve months or a fine not more than $2,500, either or both. This act was done against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth of Virginia.

COUNT 3:

On or about 11 February 2010, in the County of Pitcairn, MOTHER NATURE did unlawfully and feloniously commit Petit Larceny. To wit, Mother Nature did intentionally, willfully, and unlawfully cause the weather to be so bad that court was cancelled on the day that the victim, Ken Lammers, had already been approved for vacation, thus permanently depriving Mr. Lammers of his vacation day (valued at less than $200). This is a violation of Virginia Code section 18.2-96 and it is punishable by a term of imprisonment of not more than 12 months and a fine of not more than $2,500, either or both. This act was done against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth of Virginia.


A True Bill

/s/ Thomas Jefferson
______________________
Foreperson
.