Yusif woke from a nap to the sound of someone knocking on the front door of his apartment. He looked up at his computer and the screen saver told him that it was 3:42. He usually slept at least another hour before he got up, ate, showered, and went out for Saturday night activities.
He walked over to the door, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. As he did there was another knock and he hollered out “Yeah. Yeah. I'm coming.” Then he opened the door and found Madeline Mullins smiling evilly up at him.
“Well, I hope that I'm not supposed to take that statement at face value.”
Yusif froze and started to sputter something as she laughed and walked past him into the apartment. Into his uncleaned, unprepared for company, apartment. Which had not been vacuumed for at least a month. Which had the remnants of last night's Dairy Queen supper and today's Sir Pizza lunch on the coffee table. He walked past her and grabbed them off the table and tossed them in on the counter area in the kitchen part of the room. Because he thought as he looked at the unwashed dishes this drew his attention to that makes things so much better. He turned back around to find Maddy with the same impish smile. And, it was a devastating smile.
Madeline “Maddy” Mullins was about five foot two, with curly black hair that went halfway down her back and a body that tended toward fat. She obviously knew this and worked out for hours every day to keep it under control. Whenever Yusif went to the local hole-in-the-wall gym he saw Maddy there riding the stationary bike or jogging on the treadmill. All that working out didn't make her skinny – nothing would ever make her skinny - but it kept her right in that hourglass zone which drove men nuts. At least it drove the guys at the gym nuts. As the truck driver whom Yusif usually worked out with put it. “Once she settles down with a guy and pumps out a couple youngins, she's gonna swell up like a tick on a hound. But up to that point, that boy's gonna have himself one Hell of a good time.”
Today she was dressed in a sky blue dress that fit just tight enough, and had just enough decolletage, to accentuate everything she had without quite crossing the line into sluttiness. The girl definitely knew how to maximize her assets. And she was standing in the middle of his apartment. And Yusif had probably never been quite as intimidated by a woman as he was at that moment. And she knew it.
“Um, Yusif, aren't you going to offer a girl a drink? Or at least a seat?” She looked around the living room and realized that the only place to sit was the beat up old futon with his blanket strewn across it. “Although, I doubt that thing has enough space for the two of us to sit on it. I may have to sit on your lap instead.”
Yusif could actually feel himself blushing. Then he could feel himself starting to get angry. And that finally made him able to speak.
“Why are you here? What are you doing here?”
She gave him a stern look that was colored with a bit of humor. “It's called flirting, Yusif. You should try it some time. It's fun.”
When he didn't react she continued. “Anyway, I'm here for two reasons. First, we're going out next Friday night. I'm tired of all this dancing around at the gym. You look at me; I look at you; you look at me; nobody does anything. That's just plain stupid. Next Friday. Dinner. Someplace decent. And I mean a place that serves wine, not a kicker bar with only Bud and Jack behind the counter.”
Yusif started to snap something, but his brain engaged just in time. A date with Maddy Mullins was not a bad thing. He started to regroup and think it over in his head. When he was quiet too long she gave him a look, nodded her head, and went on.
“Okay, that's settled. Don't you want to know what the second reason is?”
He nodded slowly, a cautious look in his eyes, and she went on.
“We're going to run you for commonwealth attorney this year.”
“Wait! What?!? We?” The fog in Yusif's brain burnt away as his super ego and survival instinct combined to stomp his libido. “What are you talking about Maddy?”
“We, the Democratic Party of Bartlette, are going to run you for commonwealth attorney.”