CrimLaw

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Jokes at yesterdays criminal defense bar CLE:

(1) Marriage Sentence

Sue wakes up to find that her husband is not in bed with her. She goes down to the kitchen and finds him sitting there with tears flowing down his face. "What's the matter?"

"Well," he says, "You remember when I was 16 and you were 14 and we had just gotten finished steaming up the windows in my car when your daddy opened the door with a shotgun and said I had a choice of marrying you or going away for 20 years?"

"Yes."

"My sentence would have been up today.''

(2) Difference in Judges

The legislature makes it illegal for ducks with white tailfeathers to be shot. Hunting season rolls around and a supreme court justice, a court of appeals judge, a circuit court judge, and a district court judge all go hunting.

The Justice has a duck pop up in front of him and tells his clerk to examine the duck to see if the feathers are the right color. By the time the clerk gets his binoculars the duck is gone.

The court of appeals judge has four ducks pop up in front of him. He and his clerk have their binoculars up and are peering but by the time they figure out which duck doesn't have white feathers it is too late to shoot.

The circuit court judge has twenty ducks pop up in front of him. He looks up and is pretty sure that the 3 on the left hand side don't have white feathers and shoots them hoping they don't have white feathers.

The district court judge stumbles into a pond and at least 200 ducks spring into the air around him. He grabs his pump action shotgun and brings down scores of ducks reasoning that white feathers are an issue for the Circuit Court.

(3) Ashcroft

John Ashcroft visits an elementary school and after giving a speech tells the kids he will answer some questions. Bobby raises his hand and says, "I've got two questions. Why does the librarian have to tell you what books I check out? And, why have you locked up our school's maintenance man, Muhammed, as a material witness for the last six months without letting him see a lawyer or charging him with a crime?"

Just then the bell rings and everyone goes outside for recess. When they come back Ashcroft is still there and asks again if anyone has a question. Joan raises her hand, "I've got four questions. Why does the librarian have to tell you what books I check out? Why have you locked up our school's maintenance man, Muhammed, as a material witness for the last six months without letting him see a lawyer or charging him with a crime? Why did the bell for recess ring 20 minutes early? And, where's Bobby?"



I said they were jokes; I didn't say they were good.

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