Ken Lammers For Attorney General

It has been moved that I become the new Attorney General of the United States. Any seconds?

Remember, I have experience on both sides of the bench and I pretty much guarantee that I have more time in court than most senior attorneys in the government. In any event, if my first campaign to become a Justice of the Supreme Court is any indication it'll probably be an uphill battle. People in the federal government just don't seem to understand why I would be such a great asset. Of course, if I agree to take the position I'll want assurances that I will be the next Justice. I think I can make everyone happy; if you hyphenate me enough I can be a truly unique first __________ on the Court. I could be the first Germanic Ancestry, Catholic, Appalachian based, Arabic-language trained , Military Intelligence Veteran, height-deprived, skinniness-challenged, Kentucky/Ohio/Virginian (depending on if you classify me by birth, raising, or place I'm usually found) American with degrees in Religion, International Studies and Law as Attorney General (and later Justice). I defy you to find another with all those qualities (and I'm sure I can think of something else if I have to).

Anyway, I'd make a great Attorney General. I may not be the smartest guys in the world, but I'm pretty sure I'd have plenty of Attorney Colonels, Majors, and Captains to keep things rolling.