The Most Important Political Matter of Our Time
The Department of Transportation has cleared Santa Claus to travel through our airspace on the night of 24-25 December. Apparently, Norad has been tracking him for 40 years and perhaps with the heightened security the right jolly old elf thought he should be on the safe side this year. Of course, this is not the first time the U.S. government has worked hand in hand with Mr. Kringle. After all, who can forget the foiling of the 1974 plot by the Group of the Martyr Ebenezer Scrooge?
My only worry is that when I initially heard this announcement on the radio Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta stated that Santa was cleared to go from house to house to deliver toys (sorry can't find anyone on the web who directly quoted his speech). However, as I remember it there is a fair amount of coal involved here too. What happens if an AWAC spots a low flying craft with a large amount of combustible material nearing D.C.?1 Will some rocket jockey fly his F-16 down from the CAP and try to take Santa out? While I suspect that a vehicle which flies to millions upon millions of households in one night - including delivery and refueling times (milk and cookies) - has the speed and manueverability to make an F-16 look foolish I really don't want to take the chance that somebody gets off a lucky shot. I urge you all to write Secretary Mineta and urge him to amend his order immediately. Don't wait. There only a few precious days to get him to fix this.
1 I mean, think about it, where else could all the coal be going? If I was good enough to get the presents Santa left me as a kid you'd have to be pretty rotten to get coal. It's gotta be going to politicians. And I've even found proof: