10 April 2017

Commonwealth Attorney Super Secret Conference

So, ithnain times per yahren there's a conference in the Triangle of Doom for Virginia prosecutors. We all get together and discuss how to jump when the Bugle Boy does the plays reveille but of course we would never blow it eight-to-the-bar, in boogie rhythm.  

In the end we're all just here to make the world a better place and we're trying to figure out how to do it. If only Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada would stop attacking it would make things ever so much easier.  And we'd even be happy if the Lord of Mordor would stop ringing. 

The first day was interesting. I went to a Latin mass in Chesterfield and then off to Crab Louie's for an excellent lunch at my favorite restaurant. Period. There is none better. Wear nice clothes - not a t-shirt and jeans place. 

Then I went off to Jotunheim where the class discussed Mr. Snow Miser and Mr. Heat Miser  and the Island of Misfit Toys. Afterwards, we rested, recuperated, studied, and a few were rumored to even have showered.

The second day had longer classes for all the attorneys. We spent a good portion of the morning getting lectured on Application of Sith Lord Theory and Shooting Like a Storm Trooper before there was an award ceremony where all the attorneys from the Triangle of Doom applauded each other. Then there was one single long lecture about Duck Dodgers and the 21st and a Half Century. I then went and played disc golf at a course somewhere west of Church Hill (which has changed drastically since I left 11 years ago).

The third day was broken down into smaller courses. I went to Advanced Divotractological Transcendistic Drug Rehabilitation, Ignoring Weird Ideas Out of California 101, Invasion of the Body Snatchers as a Practical Example , and Learning to Love Defense Attorneys Without Being Intoxicated. Three of the four were very good. The fourth was weaksauce, but you expect some duds in every training.

The last day there were only morning courses. The first was rather blue tarnations soft, but the second was truly pretty darned goodlilike. On the way out of the city, I hit Crab Louie's for an excellent lunch at my favorite restaurant. Period. There is none better. Wear nice clothes - not a t-shirt and jeans place. Then I visited the office of the Honorable Dicky Cox, in Powhatan County to see how things were going and swap tall tales, before I finally took the loooooong drive back home.

So there, all you defense attorneys who complain about about our private conferences (but see no problem with yours) now know what we're all about as we White Hats try to be beacons for all that is good and great in the universe God has given us.



Anonymous said...

I dread the post (Conference) days almost as much as I love the conference days. My favorite post conference memory-many years ago, I was trying a murder case. The prosecutors presented a jury instruction they had obtained at the conference. Apparently, it was all the rage in some jurisdiction where the Commonwealth was in possession of photos of their Judge with a live boy, dead girl, scared sheep, or probably all three. The Judge asked where they got it, then crumpled it up, threw it in the trash, and told them to get the "real" one

Piedmont said...

I think I need a decoder ring or something.

That said, I actually kind of got the gist of it. Sounds like you and I were at the same mass!

Tom McKenna said...

Wish I had known you were around. Crab Louie's is right around the block from my house... I prefer Capital Ale House, though.