Don't use too many exclamation marks.
Don't blame the paper for putting you where you are. We didn't put the gun/knife/blunt instrument in your hand.
Do be succinct, but don't leave out pertinent facts - like, for instance, a previous significant other who died under suspicious circumstances or an outstanding warrant for murder in another state.
Do be straightforward. If you've appeared in print before, your secrets will out.
Don't try to pull strings. Believe it or not, a newspaper route carries no weight.
Don't name-drop gratuitously. If God or the governor were a real pal, you wouldn't be in prison. And last but not least:
Do be innocent.
Lv SW VA Law