23 April 2010

The Big 4
copyright 2010 Ken Lammers Jr

ATTENTION ALL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS: I am hereby copyrighting each and every one of the Big 4 reasons that defendants can't possibly go to jail for the crime they've committed. Should your client use or attempt to use Job, Family, Illness, or I Found God - or any variation or combination thereof - there shall be a $5.00 fee payable to Ken Lammers Jr. Payment shall be for each individual usage of a particular Big 4 reason, even if they are used in combination. As well, the fact that the Big 4 neither caused the judge to dismiss all charges and apologize nor led to any better result than the defendant could have received otherwise does not waive or abrogate the duty to pay for use my copyrighted material.

Payment is acceptable by cash, cashier's check, or money order. Checks on a defendant's account shall not be acceptable. However, payment from an attorney's trust account on behalf of the defendant shall be accepted.

BE ADVISED: There is no explicit warranty and no implicit warranty in the usage of my copyrighted Big 4 reasons. Use of the Big 4 is at your own risk and results shall vary depending on numerous conditions outside the control of the holder of the copyright.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I'm amazed nobody thought of this before. Can the cops who arrest the defendants get a finder's fee?

Anonymous said...

Do you take PayPal?

Rick Horowitz said...

Copyrighting? Or trademarking? In any event, defendants have been using these for so long that I think you're going to have trouble getting the Patent Office to go along with your attempt. ;)

Good try, though! You get any more creative and you're going to end up as a defense attorney!

Anonymous said...

Ok, but I want five dollars everytime the prosecution says that he has not learned his lesson, or argues that the sentence now must be higher than last time because it clearly didn't "work" last time.

Ken Lammers said...

Sure, I'd be willing to make that trade off. I think I'd still come out waaaaay ahead.

Anonymous said...

It's hard to feign illness, create a family, or in this economy keep a job but everyone(except us hardcore athEIsts) can FIND GOD! I think you charge more for that one, much more!