Heard in Court Today

a) The judge is explaining the right to appeal: "but, of course, with each appeal the cheese gets a little more binding."

b) Asking a man about his financial situation (in order to see if he qualified for court appointed counsel):

Do you have any money in the bank? Any money in your sock? In a sock at home? Under your pillow? In your mattress?

c) Defendant: "My attorney, Mr. Smith, isn't here."

Judge: "Mr. Smith is in Austria on his honeymoon. He's not going to be here today . . ."